Mom sometimes visited your hellhole of an apartment, though you knew she didn't tell Dad. You weren't even sure how she'd found out where it is, but at least her visits were infrequent. Long enough to check in and make sure you hadn't OD'd and drowned in a pool of your own vomit, probably. As if Kira wouldn't find you first if that happened. Whatever, Mom. She could keep her cheap guilt to herself. It never helped anyone.
Still, you always let her in during those visits.
"Yue..." she says, wringing her wrists as she stands awkwardly at the doorway. "Your sister is getting married next month."
That makes you pause. Sae? Married? Hell, you hadn't even known she was dating. Good for her, honestly, though you hoped that whoever she'd gone and gotten herself attached to wasn't like Dad. She deserved better than that. Your hope for her was that she could keep her fairytale life and get her happily ever after. If one person in this shitty family deserved any happiness, it was her. She was the only one who'd never deliberately hurt you.
"Yeah?" you say, your tone casual. "Who cares?"
It's better not to let anyone know that you do. Still, Mom winces at your words. "At least congratulate her," she begs of you.
You visit the house two nights that week.
The first time, you dig up the music box you'd buried when you were a kid. You'd always regretted it, that cheap moment of spite and revenge. Sae had been so happy when she'd gotten that gift, and you had been so angry that you couldn't let it be. You think it might be a nice gift, a gesture of peace. Maybe she'd understand the message:
Please be happy, Sae.
The second night, you climb the house to get to her window on the second floor. It's a struggle, making sure that Dad can't hear you, but you manage it and tap very lightly against her window. "Sister...."
Sae sits up in her bed and stares at the window, her eyes wide. She opens it up.
"Yu-kun?!" she cries out. "Why didn't you use the front door?!"
"Shh!" you hiss desperately. "Dad will find me!"
Sae helps you climb in, and you hold the gift-wrapped music box out towards her. She looks at the gift dubiously.
"Is this for me?" Sae hesitates, but then she shakes her head. "No, I can't take it."
You scowl. "Why not? Just open it!"
"You stole this, right?"
You're startled by the accusation. Technically that's true, but not how she thinks it is....
"You never come home, but you seem to always have money...." she continues.
"I have a job...." you say to her in a tone of self-assurance. Selling drugs, but it counts. "Just take it!"
"Lower your voice. Dad will hear you!" Sure, now she's concerned. "He's been acting worried lately. He'll get the wrong idea if he finds you here. He always says ridiculous thins like, 'He's got dirty blood running in his veins.'"
Sae gasps even as those last words escape her mouth, and she covers it with her hand, as if she can take the words back. But it's too late.
She knew. She knew this whole time. She knew and she never said anything and all that pain and you thought she'd been the only one who'd never hurt you but she knew.
"I get it...." you say, a smile twisting your face. "You've known all these years." Sae begins trembling, but you don't care. "Pretending you didn't notice, playing the good sister.... Being kind to the poor demon child.... Did you care how miserable it made me feel?
"Accept it. I'm the product of Mom's dirty past!" You reach out and grab Sae's wrist. "Nothing I do should be unexpected!"
"Yu-kun?!" Sae sounded frightened now.
She should be.
"This family was over long ago. But you pretend like nothing is wrong!" You're shouting now, every last feeling burning to the surface. "I could never pretend!"
You shove Sae against a wall, your knee between her legs, pushing her nightgown up with your hands. "I'll destroy everything!"
"No!!" Sae cries out desperately, pushing ineffectively against your arms.
WHAM!!
"Is that Yue?!"
It's your father, wearing a nightrobe and glowering from Sae's doorway. The look on his face is pure, black rage. He grabs you and pulls you away from Sae, throwing you against her dresser. "How dare you!"
The gift you'd so carefully wrapped for Sae falls from the dresser and to the ground, shattering on impact.
And that's when you realize that you've finally done it. You hadn't thought you'd really had the guts for it, that some part of you was still clinging to that illusion of family, but...
At last, you've destroyed everything. Just as you'd sworn.
17. Sae's wedding gift. (cw attempted rape, mention of drugs)
Still, you always let her in during those visits.
"Yue..." she says, wringing her wrists as she stands awkwardly at the doorway. "Your sister is getting married next month."
That makes you pause. Sae? Married? Hell, you hadn't even known she was dating. Good for her, honestly, though you hoped that whoever she'd gone and gotten herself attached to wasn't like Dad. She deserved better than that. Your hope for her was that she could keep her fairytale life and get her happily ever after. If one person in this shitty family deserved any happiness, it was her. She was the only one who'd never deliberately hurt you.
"Yeah?" you say, your tone casual. "Who cares?"
It's better not to let anyone know that you do. Still, Mom winces at your words. "At least congratulate her," she begs of you.
You visit the house two nights that week.
The first time, you dig up the music box you'd buried when you were a kid. You'd always regretted it, that cheap moment of spite and revenge. Sae had been so happy when she'd gotten that gift, and you had been so angry that you couldn't let it be. You think it might be a nice gift, a gesture of peace. Maybe she'd understand the message:
Please be happy, Sae.
The second night, you climb the house to get to her window on the second floor. It's a struggle, making sure that Dad can't hear you, but you manage it and tap very lightly against her window. "Sister...."
Sae sits up in her bed and stares at the window, her eyes wide. She opens it up.
"Yu-kun?!" she cries out. "Why didn't you use the front door?!"
"Shh!" you hiss desperately. "Dad will find me!"
Sae helps you climb in, and you hold the gift-wrapped music box out towards her. She looks at the gift dubiously.
"Is this for me?" Sae hesitates, but then she shakes her head. "No, I can't take it."
You scowl. "Why not? Just open it!"
"You stole this, right?"
You're startled by the accusation. Technically that's true, but not how she thinks it is....
"You never come home, but you seem to always have money...." she continues.
"I have a job...." you say to her in a tone of self-assurance. Selling drugs, but it counts. "Just take it!"
"Lower your voice. Dad will hear you!" Sure, now she's concerned. "He's been acting worried lately. He'll get the wrong idea if he finds you here. He always says ridiculous thins like, 'He's got dirty blood running in his veins.'"
Sae gasps even as those last words escape her mouth, and she covers it with her hand, as if she can take the words back. But it's too late.
She knew. She knew this whole time. She knew and she never said anything and all that pain and you thought she'd been the only one who'd never hurt you but she knew.
"I get it...." you say, a smile twisting your face. "You've known all these years." Sae begins trembling, but you don't care. "Pretending you didn't notice, playing the good sister.... Being kind to the poor demon child.... Did you care how miserable it made me feel?
"Accept it. I'm the product of Mom's dirty past!" You reach out and grab Sae's wrist. "Nothing I do should be unexpected!"
"Yu-kun?!" Sae sounded frightened now.
She should be.
"This family was over long ago. But you pretend like nothing is wrong!" You're shouting now, every last feeling burning to the surface. "I could never pretend!"
You shove Sae against a wall, your knee between her legs, pushing her nightgown up with your hands. "I'll destroy everything!"
"No!!" Sae cries out desperately, pushing ineffectively against your arms.
WHAM!!
"Is that Yue?!"
It's your father, wearing a nightrobe and glowering from Sae's doorway. The look on his face is pure, black rage. He grabs you and pulls you away from Sae, throwing you against her dresser. "How dare you!"
The gift you'd so carefully wrapped for Sae falls from the dresser and to the ground, shattering on impact.
And that's when you realize that you've finally done it. You hadn't thought you'd really had the guts for it, that some part of you was still clinging to that illusion of family, but...
At last, you've destroyed everything. Just as you'd sworn.